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2001-12-22
~@~ 4:30 p.m.
Ho Hum. Nothing new and exciting to write about at the momento. I have been running around a wee bit crazed since Thursday, wrapping gifts, picking up last minute things, delievering in-town gifts before leaving tomorrow. Being overly creative, which simply takes too long and too much energy at the time. I need to realize I don't HAVE to hand stamp everyone's name on their gifts...one..letter...at...a...time. Geez. I finally got around to calling my dad to tell him, no, we can't make it to the other side of the state to visit you guys this year, in-between running to 4 (yes, 4 ) different family gatherings in 2 days. I have this immense eldest child guilt thing that has caused me to avoid calling him up until the last possible minute, for fear of disappointing and such. Surprisingly he took it really well. Actually, I knew he probably would. He has his own life. It's just me that feels guilty for all the crap that's happened to him, and feels like I have to be there all the time, taking care of him like I did when I was younger. Now, he has a new wife, and seems healthier. Yet another thing I am realizing that I need to let go of. Isn't it interesting as you get older to see the patterns that you kept as a child/young adult/whatever, no longer apply. I was always living in such opposition to my family, not wanting to be like them, yet taking care of them. Getting older has found me making peace with letting them go, and knowing, just like with children I imagine, that they have to live their own lives. And so do I. Whew, mama! I sure didn't mean to get into all that, but I will leave it be and know it needed to come out for some reason. I am noticing I am being all present focused. Hmmm. I am also noticing that it is the holidays, break time, and I need to put away the self analytical hat. For a little while. And with that, my dearies, I am off tommorrow to begin the holiday visiting whirlwind. Hubby and I will pack up the car, and wheel that baby east, then south, then north, and bring her back full circle to our mountain bungalow by late Wednesday. Therefore, I will disconnected from the internet world, but still thinking of you fabulous, funky souls over the holiday. I wish you all warmth, full tummies, and relaxation. I hope it is a peaceful time for each of you. Peace. Family and friends. Laughter. Writing this right now I feel an odd sense of calm among all the inner wrapping, shopping chaos as of late. I'm going to try and make a special point of taking this calm with me, tucking it away , and remembering to pull it out when my mother starts to complain, or my back gets sore from endless car travel. Enough said. Over and out, my pretties.
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The Karma of Literature... BookCrossing.com